@Mikecanrant: I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things I think people need to know, NASA.
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@shkeeber: Nephew: Really?! Me: Yup! Go for it! N: *runs into wall* Me: *takes pic* N: *wakes up* Am I at Hogwarts? Me: No, we'll try again later.
@abbycohenwl: *pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said "vase" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head.