@Mikecanrant: I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things I think people need to know, NASA.
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@TheMichaelRock: *puts on shirt* *shirt rips because of my muscles* *gets yelled at for ruining 5yo's shirt*
@TheToddWilliams: STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests… STICK BUG WIFE: …and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick
@vanluvz1: I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
@Beatonm5: Next time someone asks you how you slept, close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!