@SamuelHLowe: I wonder what my dog named me.
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]
@SICKOFWOLVES: BY THIRTY FIVE YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED HALF OF YOUR RETIREMENT WHICH IS EASY IF YOUR RETIREMENT PLAN IS TO WADE INTO THE SEA
@djdarrellripley: Her: I'm leaving you and going to my mothers. Me: Hold on and I'll come with you. I like to have a good meal for a change...