@wickedsuga: I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.
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@dafloydsta: Road rage, because yelling and cursing at strangers in the safety of your vehicle is fun. Unless they have a gun.
@FloodyHippie: My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates
@girlontapas: My Cinderella story is backward. I started out a princess. Got drunk and lost a shoe when I met a handsome guy. Now I scrub the floors.
@iwearaonesie: *son wants to go to water park* *bring him to water park* *starts raining* *he starts crying..because he's getting wet* this is why I drink