@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.
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@heymonroe: Remember in 90's movies when the hot girl would enter a party in slow motion? That's what happens when I walk in a buffet.
@kelkulus: Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1.
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?