@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.
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@brynnester: [First Date] Her: My last boyfriend dumped my by text message! Me: *trying to impress* when I dump you I'll definitely do it face to face
@donni: CASHIER: One ultrathin lubricated condom. That'll be $3.25 DUCK: Can you put it on my bill? CASHIER: That's not where it goes, silly
@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.