@FilthyRichmond: I would bring my dog a nice jerky treat from Colorado, but he only eats local, sustainable cat turds.
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@trojansauce: [my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind
@JohnLyonTweets: Nephew: Do you like Minecraft? Me: [trying to seem cool] I am interested in how mines are built, yes.
@LeBearGirdle: *texting with girls* Her: I <3 you Me:[throws phone in disgust but picks it up and texts back angrily] you're less than 3
@dariatbh: I hope all the friends I've made in the bathroom at 1am are still SO pretty and everything worked out with that boy they were drunk texting