@chimneyspotter: I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as "when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@celticrose2312: Man at garage: "Are you claiming this off your own insurance?" Me: "Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
@leshnevsky: If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.