@chimneyspotter: I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as "when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"
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@Sickayduh: "Doctor, tennis has caused bad pain in my forearms" -There's nothing I can do "There isn't?" -Not until you bring in your other two arms
@moose_chocolate: If familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder, then by definition marriage is a terrible idea.
@ihateitmunky: Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride
@AndyShulk: If you run through an airport yelling "Marybeth I love you don't go!" then you can cut through so many lines of people who like romance.