@AbbyHasIssues: I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
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@toastymoe: Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please . Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
@CrystalTheRed: Laundry Day Me: Tell me about this lipstick on your shirt. Him: Babe, I can explain! Me: Don't care. Just ask her the brand and shade name.
@WheelTod: My 4yo asked me where people go when they die. I told her: "I don't know, but it wouldn't hurt to check under your bed last thing at night."
@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.