@CatherineLMK: I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
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@schlimp: *steals machine parts all year* *gets coal for xmas* "Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber" *turns coal into diamond*
@JB4Realz: WIFE *stuck on crossword puzzle*: I need a four-letter word for "Identical". ME *also stuck on crossword puzzle*: same.
@DranoRaul: People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it
@eminmien: We lay under the maple tree, the evening sun casting a warm glow on our faces. Turning to me, she said- "Please stop narrating everything."