@CatherineLMK: I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
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@iwearaonesie: "Oh man, that thing looks irritated" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb
@TheDairylandDon: Once you understand they're unwilling time travelers dropped here moments earlier, the confused actions of squirrels suddenly make sense.
@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.
@PaperWash: I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it.