@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution
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@brakco: I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.
@TinaMav: My top 5 exercises: -jumping to conclusions -flying off the handle -carrying things too far -dodging responsibilities -pushing my luck
@OhNoSheTwitnt: This creepy guy at work calls me "hun" despite knowing my real name so I've started calling him Mulan.