@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@QwertyJones3: I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I'm gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.
@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
@_Tempo11: Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I'm a big perv.