@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution
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@lecalabara: You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.
@SarcasticAlly12: Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests
@TheDairylandDon: Irish I was a lil bit smaller. Irish I was a leprechaun baller. Irish I had a shamrock & a hat, & endless gold coins in a big black cauldron
@LuvPug: A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her