@YUCKYBOT: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
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@AristotlesNZ: Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..
@vikkaroni: When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn't mean I love them. It means I love me too.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Cop 1: Where did you come from? Cop 2: Where did you go? Cotton Eyed Joe: I want a lawyer.