@YUCKYBOT: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
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@MsCarlissima: My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you." *Soft kiss*
@juliussharpe: If a non-profit accidentally makes a profit they must be like, "Guys we totally suck at losing money."
@InternetHippo: COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer
@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."