@OhNoSheTwitnt: I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said "I don't do romance" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
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@: Me: I'll take Complete The Phrase for $1000. Alex Trebek: If you love someone, you should set them... Me: What is "on fire", Alex.
@EJGomez: james[jesus' brother]: i need off my bro passed away boss: gotcha man [3 days later] james: i need off my brothers in town boss: now hold on
@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...