@OhNoSheTwitnt: I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said "I don't do romance" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
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@Awesome_Todd: I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while.
@Dis0beyJay: [at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*
@EndhooS: Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that? Me: No Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin* Me: Nah Doctor: Just as I suspected. This is my leg