@Try2StopME: I wrote to the Bank: "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?"
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@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
@Ristolable: If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
@ruinedpicnic: [Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent's jacket] Terrorist: FBI? Agent: uhhh Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector
@TattleTSister: "I don't need more than 4 hours of sleep" I say proudly while spooning dish washer detergent into my coffee.