@jonnysun: "ice, ice, baby. ice, ice, bab--no ice-- no thats definitly a babey" - man who has a job sorting babys and ice at the ice & baby factorey
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@AaronFullerton: Actors can get political in speeches if they want. Go for it. But imagine someone winning Wimbledon & going, "Yay! I won! Save the whales!"
@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.
@PRESTONinCOLOR: Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it's not just women who won't marry you.
@Reverend_Scott: [Russian class] Um, why did I fail this test? Teacher: You just wrote in English and added "ski" to the end of the words... I knowski.