How to make emails sound livid:
“As discussed”
“I thought we agreed”
“Regards”
“Thanks”
“I was under the impression”
“FYI”
“As per my email”
“With respect”
“Friendly reminder”
“Polite note”
“I was disappointed to…”
“Whilst I appreciate…”
“As I’m sure you’re aware”
You Might Also Like
im awake if anyone wants to go on a cute forest hike and feed me to a bear
Grading system for students in India:
A – Average
B – Below average
C – Can’t have dinner
D – Don’t come home
F – Find a new family
My husband and I don’t keep score. Mostly because neither of us have that kind of memory capacity.
My Favorite Store: Here is an awesome coupon for 89% off any regular priced item!
Also My Favorite Store: We’re gonna put everything just a tiny bit on sale to render all coupons useless
Just put the vaccine inside donuts, ok.
The roof of my mouth has had it too easy lately. I’m gonna eat some scalding hot pizza followed by a handful of granola.
NO I didn’t eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies. I just ate all the cookies inside it.
One day I’m gonna go to work without my glasses and they’re gonna be like, “Who’s that hottie?” and I’m gonna be like, “WHO IS SAYING THAT?”
When you do drugs, you’re also doing all the drugs that those drugs have done.
I have a sixth sense of humor. I laugh at dead people.
me: I need to get this framed
optometrist: just say you need glasses
The cool thing about Lady Doritos is if you toss them in a bag with male Doritos they make you an endless supply of delicious Baby Doritos.
One fun thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment.
Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don’t do it in the bathtub.
I had an unsettling dream. Someone came into my house and placed my Precious Moments figurines in compromising positions.
Verizon: we don’t plan to murder anyone
America: so it’s ok if we keep murder illegal then
Verizon:
Verizon: no
Him: What? You said I could tie you up and do anything I want.
Me: WELL WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
Him: Fishing
I ONLY EAT FREE RANGE GRASSFED CHEESECAKE!
me after drinking all the wine:
Mum’s will be like, “I am not here to tell you what to do” and tell you anyway.
Face it, wild horses could easily drag you away.
I mean, that miniature pony at the petting zoo could probably pull you for miles.
In star trek not one of those snobs orders a grilled cheese sandwich from the replicator smh
Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.
tamagotchi my fitbit
owners
🤝
trying to keep a weird
little guy alive
Me: goodnight sweetheart
9: mummy!
Me: is it important
9: YES
Me: what’s up
9: do you think someone could live if they had organs and a skull but no other bones
DOCTOR: congratulations it’s a baby-
ME: giraffe?
DOCTOR: what? No. It’s a boy. A human boy.
ME: *looks at wife* you lied to me
I don’t want to “agree to disagree,” I want you to say uh huh and I say nuh uh and you say uh huh until we’ve resolved this.
My Son: In my dream last night we were on the second floor of a restaurant, and the WEIRDEST THING HAPPENED.
Me: I love when restaurants have second floors.
My Son: It’s really fancy!
Me: It’s the best!
~ Team Lack of Focus, reporting for duty
Dammit my husband found my candy stash in the bag of riced cauliflower in the freezer. He’s good.
One time i was at a party where this guy began a complicated monologue that was directed at me about bitcoin futures, so what i did was i used a meditation technique that i learned from a blackjack dealer at a mormon casino where i just dropped dead right on the spot.