@Pork_Chop_Hair: I’d be a terrible coroner. My reports would say something like: Subject is 44yo male. Cause of death, asphyxiation. Nice jaw. One unruly eyebrow. Strong hands. Excellent manscaping. We probably would have been great friends, possibly lovers. 8/10 stars.
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@Rica_Bee: this girl I went to college with got super hot and married a rich guy and lives overseas and doesn't work and does triathlons for fun BUT her fitness insta only has 200 followers and I have 8,000 on Twitter just by being lazy and depressed so, in your face Mandy who's winning now
@DrizzyTheType: Drake the type of nigga to get a wanted star in Grand Theft Auto, drive to the police station and turn himself in.
@Reverend_Scott: [5 min into first date] Her: I have a pug named Piglet- Me: [motioning waiter for check] I'd like to go meet him rn