@Pork_Chop_Hair: I’d be a terrible coroner. My reports would say something like: Subject is 44yo male. Cause of death, asphyxiation. Nice jaw. One unruly eyebrow. Strong hands. Excellent manscaping. We probably would have been great friends, possibly lovers. 8/10 stars.
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@WilliamAder: Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you last month? Me: The package said "Take on an empty stomach" so, not yet.
@Tmoney68: George H.W. Bush, age 90, went skydiving yesterday. I'm 45 & I strained my hamstring getting out of my car.
@berniethoughts: WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?
@jimmytorosian: Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*