@joshgondelman: I'd have more sympathy for Sony's alleged loss of $200 million if that weren't the cost of like three large popcorns at any movie theater.
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@TheHyyyype: CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] HER: So, I hear you're a dog person- ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU
@NewYorker: A cartoon by Sam Gross from 1998, in honor of our 90th Anniversary Book of Cartoons:
@Manali_Shetye5: If it's not Valentine's Day and you see a man in flower shop, you can probably start the conversation with "What did you do?".