@garrettn: I'd like to apologize...
To anyone I have not offended.
I'll be with you momentarily.
@MoistPork: "He's a jerk. I'm over him anyway.
(5 minutes later)
Ooh, he texted! I want to have his babies!"
@moodymeg01: my dog and my sex life have a lot in common.. I don't have a dog.
@briangaar: "Sir, I need you to explain your resume."
Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters
I pee on things I don't like
@jollyrobber: You kids today with your on demand music don't know the euphoria of hearing your jam come on the radio without the DJ talking over it.
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.