@garrettn: I'd like to apologize...
To anyone I have not offended.
I'll be with you momentarily.
@DRusso97: This is hilarious....
@Carbosly: I really really hope parallel universe me is vomiting on my cat's carpet right now.
@Shock_Monster: If life had a 'CTRL + ALT + DEL' option, you bet your ass I'd be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.
@NewDadNotes: Me: look man the baby’s asleep, I just need to go upstairs quiet-
Stairs: I’m just kidding you can go.
Me: thank yo-
Stairs: creak creak.
@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad!
4. where are drugs
*mustache falls off*