@garrettn: I'd like to apologize...
To anyone I have not offended.
I'll be with you momentarily.
@IamDrainBamaged: I've been dieting for 2 weeks now and so far I lost 5 Instagram followers.
@InternetHippo: PARENTS: When someone offers you drugs, you say no!
ME (going out into the world): I'm ready
[literally no one offers me drugs ever]
@KeetPotato: me: "what is a librarian's favourite food?"
me: "SHUSHI lmao"
dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]
@bruinsphan_24: *jesus walking on water*
Jesus: 12 disciples and not one of you is filming this?!
@bonerman_inc: i want to work in this restaurant