@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'd love to hear an actor honestly answer the "How did you prepare for today?" red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes
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@trevso_electric: "Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we'll call you a liar." -insurance
@gerryhallcomedy: My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey.
@CulturedRuffian: I scream, You scream, We all scream because grandma is visiting for Christmas and she forgot her hearing aids again.