@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.

@ChrisStokdyk: Do you ever wake up, look yourself in the mirror and say, "My God, I look like a pillow" ? If so, that's not a mirror - it's your pillow.

@Brianhopecomedy: I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.

@KeithAshers: Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics...you know, just like a real spider.

@SaraMansford: My kid just put on an apron and made homemade brownies so forget the world, I'm not even the best mom in my house anymore.