@klickitatstreet: I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce.
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@Bagyants: Power Rangers taught me that the way to solve a problem is to pose in front of it aggressively until it explodes
@AbbyHasIssues: My one-woman show, “I Will Unstick These Freaking Grocery Carts If It Kills Me” is getting rave reviews from fellow shoppers.
@SadieSkyNinja: [if my cat tweeted] When "over 38" is sad and missing her boyfriend, I try and cheer her up by peeing on her shoes and puking on her phone.
@Sickayduh: Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?