@WillSaysStuff: I'd pray to God to help me with my overbearing KFC addiction, but seeing as the Colonel is my God, I can see that being counter-intuitive.
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@markleggett: I just whispered "Come at me, bro" to a bug and it ran towards me, so now I'm in my car driving away from my old life.
@TheRobCee: #1 complaint of armored car drivers? People they talk to along the way ending the conversation with "...and you can take THAT to the bank!"
@_Justin_Stepien: I'm so much like a noodle when I shower. sit in hot water for 7-8 minutes and become soft, squishy, and delicious afterwards