@Dawn_M_: I'd rather see a guy with a machete walking towards me than someone with a clipboard.
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@hellohappy_time: heard you like bad girls so I squeezed lemon juice on my fish even though the waiter grabbed me & was like "no, there's already lemon on it"
@KeetPotato: interviewer: if i said the meat here isnt real how would you sell it me: our chicken really is somethin else interviewer: welcome to subway
@Midgetspar: If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
@Jandalize: With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy.