@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.
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@daemonic3: [at zoo] Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [PAPARAZZI] Bugs Bunny is it true u were shot by Elmer Fudd [BB]°sips drink° that's ridiculous °water shoots out of holes° No more questions
@RitleySammich: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by hacking into State Farm's main server and deleting the 4 DUIs.