@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.
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@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"
@pinningnut: It's a dark stormy night. You're scared & alone. You hear a bump in the night. You jump! You scream! Then your cat comes in the house drunk.
@JTQuest: Men think of arguments as single isolated events. Women, in my experience, think of them as installments in some sort of perpetual continuum
@AlottaInfo: And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the earth round... and laughed...