@maughammom: I'd say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we're not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, ice dispenser..
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@lisaxy424: 4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends.
@alispagnola: Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber.
@_Fariis: Pretty sure Google has this master plan of taking over the world by blackmailing everyone with their search history.
@meaculpau27: In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now.