@eyeswidebutt: if a bear is attacking you play dead and then play resurrection this will cause the bear to either worship u or deny ur existence
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@kumailn: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
@candace_9871: Yah I ordered a large pizza but it's thin crust/ light cheese so basically it's a salad .
@LosLos__: •phone call• Wife: Want a free couch? Me: Free? Yes! Wife: How do we pick it up? Me: Lift with your legs, not your back. Wife: *click*
@KatMcSnatch: My ex sent me a text saying "please delete my number..." I sent one back saying "who's this?"