@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lawbsterfest: Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake.
@online_rat: my landlord charged a pet fee for the ants in my kitchen. i need $48,000,000 by friday or im evicted. how did he count them they are so fast
@prawn_meat: a deranged scientist in every rickety old house on top of every hill on the outskirts of every town. that's my promise, should i be elected
@chuuew: [day 1] hello, world [day 2] bit less wobbly today [day 7] making other deer friends. getting funny looks tho [day 26] turns out i'm a hippo