@dire_beard: If a child's survival depended on my ability to share bacon, I would weep greasy, bacony tears at that child's funeral.
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@MadcapsTPS: Yes I brought my own shot glasses and started a party at my table, but is that really a reason to throw someone out? Worst library ever.
@fro_vo: [job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times
@holyscum: boss: r u flexible this week me: i used 2 be able 2 do a split in 4th grade i mean i could try but idk if there's enough space in ur office
@KentWGraham: I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop.”