@dire_beard: If a child's survival depended on my ability to share bacon, I would weep greasy, bacony tears at that child's funeral.
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@TheTalkingPipe: The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she'll call security.
@realHamOnWry: That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.
@ElleOhHell: Damn, Starbucks. Not only do you spell my name completely wrong AND screw up my order, but on my way out some woman keeps calling me a thief
@noog: Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can’t hear you because I’m 240,000 miles away and sound doesn’t travel in space. Die in a fire.