@Fred_Delicious: If a Facebook video says "you won't believe what happens next" then I replace "believe" with "care"
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@lovemydogduck: Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger & I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.
@iGreenMonk: I got a dig bick. You that read wrong. That awkward when you read that wrong too. And said 'moment' after awkward. This is awkward.
@phalguy: How do Tie Fighter pilots see sideways? How do Stormtroopers go to the bathroom? *Star Wars thoughts that keep me awake at night.
@HiddenPinky: Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]