@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
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@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion
@bossy_bootz: I notice you only call when you want something Person calling: ma'am your bill is 90 days past due
@justinbieber: Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson is possibly the catchiest song I've ever heard lol
@torrami: Rules for being a good neighbor: 1. MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS 2. Don't forget rule number one.