@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
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@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@Marlebean: Me: Sometimes you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, enfarcorate, and move on. You know what I'm saying? Friend: ...