@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
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@deedragonhunter: Beer: When are you coming home. Me: Right away honey. See. Marriage works. Just choose the right wife.
@Bratterina: *puts on cloak of invisibility, whooshes past ex, flipping him off "Jenna, that's a hoodie, I can see you" *makes a ghost voice: NoOoOoOo
@TheMichaelRock: Something you may have in your house right now could be killing your children. We'll tell you about it in 2 days. - Local News