@Playing_Dad: If a pregnant friend tells you what the kid's name will be just whisper "AND THE DARK LORD'S PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED." They love that.
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@Fred_Delicious: "daddy, the sun has disappeared!!" [Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway] "listen here you little shit"
@KKAlThani: Happy International Women's day. Or a sad one. Or an angry one. Or a passive aggressive one. You never really know with women.
@deardilettante: At least there's one other woman who's more wasted than me in this emergency room. No, my mistake, she's got dementia.