@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
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@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.
@themcgillicutty: Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout.
@ieatanddrink: Just heard that distinct "baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor" sound