@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
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@OrangeFact: ME: You coming to the party? FRIEND: Will it be rad?- M: -ish. F: I guess I'll come. [Later at the radish party] F: I think I misunderstood
@UncleDuke1969: [first date] HER: So, do you have a 5 year plan? ME: Yes. Well, the beginnings of one. HER: How far have you gotten? ME: I’ve decided what I want for dinner.
@wolfpupy: i feel like most people have forgotten why we were robbing this jewellery store in the first place, for the jewels
@JohnLyonTweets: -Ho ho ho, what do you want for Christmas? -I want a Kylo Ren lightsaber, a Thor hammer, a Star Trek phaser, a— -I was asking the boy, sir.