@rickkondell: Things that don't kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming

@weinerdog4life: 100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face.

@InternetHippo: ah yes, halloween. the scary day. the day when everything is terrifying. unlike the other normal days of this year

@JohnLyonTweets: [first day as a Twitter designer] Never mind an edit button. What people really want are round avis.

@rachelle_mandik: people say they're "over the moon" when they're happy, but it's a lie; the moon is one of those things you will never truly get over