@NotGaryBusey: If a vampire bites his tongue, does his tongue become a vampire? Tongpire?
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@1followernodad: Me: I'm a scorpion. Date: You mean scorpio? Me: (clicking my claws together) No I very do not.
@Dawn_M_: So embarrassing when you leave the bathroom and someone points out you have toilet paper stuck to your teeth.
@stephenjmolloy: [3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?
@TrainedHedonist: Sometimes I feel driving over Beliebers, but then I'm like, "what is wrong with me??" because I just got my car washed.