@PanicRestroom: If a vampire is also a doctor, an apple is as effective as garlic
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: He’s starting to stir! Wife: Shhhh. Me: OH MY GOD… Wife: Be quiet. Me: HE’S GOT A KNIFE! Wife: I hate watching cooking shows with you.
@chimneyspotter: DATE: ...so that's how I ended up at Harvard Law! ME: Sometimes I make a fruit salad in my mouth by biting into different kinds of fruit LOL
@SarcasticAlly12: Toddlers & Ghosts -haunt you at all hours -lots of moaning/screaming -unclear motives -not helpful with housework -randomly open cupboards