@PanicRestroom: If a vampire is also a doctor, an apple is as effective as garlic
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@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.
@OfficeofSteve: I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in
@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.