@myvisable: If a woman is bad at parking it's because she is constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
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@AGStr8upNinja: How to be a Canadian: 1) Love hockey 2) Use good manners 3) Drink Tim Hortons 4) Live in a igloo 5) Hunt moose with stick
@GoldenSpirals: No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
@AristotlesNZ: 5yo: I dropped my damn spoon! Me: Don't be using that word! 5yo: Is it a bad word? Me: It is.. 5yo: Ok..I dropped my damn "food scooper"?
@DanMentos: [first date] me: they know me here date: *reading sign on wall* "No Puppetry"? me (proudly): I'm the reason they have that