@SamGrittner: if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel
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@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
@BarebakAssassin: Some people don't realize how grateful they should be that I'm not allowed to carry a sword in public.
@nishadtrivedi: Give a man an axe and he'll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he'll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.
@elynnbarlow: Apparently in yoga when the instructor says, 'next we go into our downward dog,' it is frowned upon to make the 'bowchickabowow' sound.