@SamGrittner: if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel
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@BeerOholic: Warning to ppl who drink & drive, yday while driving, frnd took his arm out to indicate right turn & someone took his beer. Rascals! #txt
@KevinFarzad: Why would you name your human child Hunter? Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist.
@CleverGirl85: Trolling my FB friends by commenting "Looking good ;)" on solo pics of their husbands
@pinupteacher: My mom pops out from under the table while I'm on a date. She's always been a good eater. You see her hips? Good hips. Stand up, show him-