@SamGrittner: if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel
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@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
@prontopup: Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.
@lawblob: Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson
@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"