@birbigs: if aliens show up and they're nice, we'll take them captive. and if they're mean, they'll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving.
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@JournalismJunk: The closest I've come to a threesome is watching my wife and the nurse roll their eyes at the same time while I'm getting weighed.
@rationalists: Republicans say they're not satisfied with Michele Obama's speech because she didn't give it from her kitchen.
@mewritesgood: You say "potato", I say "This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."