@birbigs: if aliens show up and they're nice, we'll take them captive. and if they're mean, they'll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving.
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@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
@jamisondg1: I wonder if in 100 years, ghosts of today will spell out "swag" or "bae" on the Ouija boards
@Douchekevin: I eat the free samples at Costco for lunch every day. I'm adding 'enjoys eating out' to my dating profile.