@nachosarah: if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn't do it too because cats can land on their feet they'll be fine
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@Midgetspar: Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators.
@Sickayduh: When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face
@mylifesuckers: My kids just connected worlds in Minecraft. So now they can fight in a virtual universe too.
@WildeThingy: I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.