@soccerskiingmom: If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?
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@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
@david8hughes: As a fireman, I'm constantly asked questions like, "Can you please stop flexing & put out that fire?"
@SodomyClown: If someone says "I will do anything for you" lean in really close and say "There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."
@kimwilliamz: The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking.