@doktorj: If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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@Thateverydayguy: Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
@kelkulus: Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker.
@SortaBad: Rob Zombie is a good musician but also a great way to make money when the undead rise from their graves