@doktorj: If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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@Kendragarden: Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?
@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@MarkAgee: I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.