@doktorj: If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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@dshack8: Pre-Having Daughters: *Hates hearing "NO" from women Post-Having Daughters: *Teaches them "NO" in 167 different languages including Klingon
@mean_spice: Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef
@3_livi: I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
@theshantilly: Therapist: How do you feel? Me: With my hands. T: Do you deflect a lot? Me: Only sharp objects. If it's fluffy, I just let it hit me.