@ArchiePeeler: If anyone pulls a quarter from behind your ear you chloroform them and put them in chains in your basement and you'll always have quarters.
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@Reverend_Scott: [on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]
@SexySpainNights: Dear neighbor who mows his yard early in the morning tomorrow, I found my bagpipes for tonight.