@ArchiePeeler: If anyone pulls a quarter from behind your ear you chloroform them and put them in chains in your basement and you'll always have quarters.
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@Reverend_Scott: [I find a mysterious note in kitchen] "LEAF 1 MILLLION UNMARKD DOG TREETS N BAKYARD BY SONDOWN OR WE RELEASH PICHURES OF U PETTIN A CAT"
@thatUPSdude: Don't forget to check your kid's candy. Found a toothbrush in my nephew's Halloween candy last year. Real psychos out there.
@vineyille: Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*
@Schmoodles: Don't talk to me about your drinking problems until you've tried to make your cat wear your contact lenses because he looked a bit squinty.