@Daniel_Sloss: If anyone says YOLO to me I say YOLBYPCFAC (You Only Live Because Your Parents Couldn't Find A Condom). I hope it catches on...
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@CallousBalzac: My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me "literally, nothing is interesting to me".
@StellaRtwot: Just saw a bumper sticker that said "I'd rather be tweeting." It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch.
@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."
@joeldanger: Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me