@kumailn: If Billy Joel wrote "We Didn't Start the Fire" today, it would be 2 hours.
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@iwearaonesie: dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says "Craftsman" dad: me: Are you crying?
@trevso_electric: Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex
@GoldenSpirals: Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not a full dress shirt? *Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*