@edheenan: If breaking a mirror is 7 years bad luck then breaking a condom is 18, right?
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@KalvinMacleod: BLACK WIDOW: help I think my husband is dead 911: did u murder him? BLACK WIDOW: uh 911: ma'am BLACK WIDOW: *quietly hangs up the phone*
@Anon_imosity: I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it
@KyleMcDowell86: [Sees girl watching Star Wars] "Oh I love that movie, the way" *starts to sweat* "All those stars are at war with each other"