@edheenan: If breaking a mirror is 7 years bad luck then breaking a condom is 18, right?
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@sarcasm_inc: *The Terminator opens a fortune cookie. "It is ok to kill many people. Many killings are coming your way." John: I know it doesn't say that.
@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.
@PeaceInTruth1: A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk.