@edheenan: If breaking a mirror is 7 years bad luck then breaking a condom is 18, right?
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@NicestHippo: WIFE: He thinks he's a news anchor DOCTOR: Is this true ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]
@: Ikea meatballs pulled from shelves because they contain horse meat. Man, that's the last time I buy meatballs at a furniture store.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.