@BucMarvin: If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I'd be like, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!"
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@trojansauce: [after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this
@kyry5: One time a guy left a full glass of sangria behind on a first date and I pretended I forgot my sunglasses so I could run back and chug it.
@StarWarsProblms: Leia: *gasps* Chewbacca, you're naked! Chewbacca: *hastily puts back on his bandoleer*
@ValeeGrrl: Hi, childless people. I just meticulously peeled the skin off a pickle. Cuz the pickle was "bumpy." Enjoy your day. Not de-bumping pickles.