@dhumann: If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
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@david8hughes: [writing in my journal about the girl I like] Her hair was soft like really soft hair, her lips surrounded her mouth all the time.
@NewDadNotes: Daughter: what’s the most painful thing in the world? Wife: childbir- Me: eyelash in your ey- Wife: Me: yeah no it’s probably what you said.
@sixfootcandy: Doctor: Can you stick to a clear liquid diet for a few days? Me: Sure! Vodka is a clear liquid.
@CharmandBrains: Every morning I wake up and every morning there is no breakfast in bed. We have got to do something about this level of poverty!