@teamsexydork: If cats could talk, they'd probably yell "PARKOUR" a lot.
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@TheToddWilliams: [my laboratory] ME: I'VE DONE IT! MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT'S BACK: Holy crap keep it down.
@cat_fvr: *sees people doing the mannequin challenge, brings back ice bucket challenge and dumps it on mannequin people*
@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
@PeachCoffin: I explained ‘gluten allergy’ to my grandma and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving