@teamsexydork: If cats could talk, they'd probably yell "PARKOUR" a lot.
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@NicestHippo: Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? "No!" Oh really. And what's your first name? "Indiana" [jury gasps]
@Kyle_Lippert: Fun fact: the person who said "If you love something let it go" died alone, surrounded by 342 cats.
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@just1fool: After years of failure, the "scientist" that had been trying to create a fake urine nearly went mad after he drank his first Miller Lite.