@trevso_electric: If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.
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@chuuew: [JAIL VISITATION] WIFE: I got u a cake ME: U know I don't like sugar W: U need a BREAK, OUT of ur diet M: It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle
@ClichedOut: I picked up carry-out and the guy asked if I wanted to leave a tip. Yeah. Offer delivery.
@ibid78: [in hospital] -dude what happened? "I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"