@michaeldean0116: If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader.......
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@HehBuddy: I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
@BuckyIsotope: Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?
@rockymomax: [date] ME: do you have kids or pets? HER: a son and a cat ME: what are their names? HER: John & Batman ME: nice! my son is also named Batman
@Sal0630: Boss: I'll tell you what I want Me: So tell me what you want, what you really really want *office breaks into Spice Girls dance routine