@EricGoldie: If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD.
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@chris_isloi: Holy shit, remember rhymes with September. If no one thought about putting that in a song, I'm gonna be rich.
@AaronFullerton: USA: "Hey nachos, today's your big day!" Nachos: "What about Cinco de Mayo?" USA: "What'd you just say?" Nachos: "Nothing."
@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
@CruisinSoozan: Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites.