@EricGoldie: If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD.
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@amydillon: OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food. MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.
@HousewifeOfHell: My kid's latest report card looks like someone with a stutter is trying to swear.
@iRowlf: It's pretty rude how they'll kick you out of the hospital just for using a defibrillator to make a grilled cheese sandwich.