@Momtoteens: If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership.
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@jobless4eyes: Found a fly on his back by my keyboard. So dead. So sad. Put a cocktail umbrella by his head. Now he looks like he's suntanning.
@jergarl: I don't think peeing on a goose is the right answer.. But on the other hand.. I'm not sure it's the WRONG answer. -Drunk me at a zoo
@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?
@Mike__Lee: My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?