@WilliamAder: If HBO released all ten episodes of Game of Thrones at once, maybe I'd be able to remember the characters' names from episode to episode.
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@BridgetPhetasy: In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.
@erikbransteen: Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?
@Faux_Ma: Her: "My baby paints with her food because she's artistic." Me: "That or your baby paints with her food because she's a goddamn baby."